Football is back, kind of.
SEC Media Days serve as somewhat of an unofficial kickoff to the start of football in SEC country and coaches and representatives from all 14 teams will converge on Birmingham this week to answer questions from media outlets ranging from ESPN.com to BobSmith.com (made that one up, but we’ve heard of similar outlets there).
It’s nice to talk real football, but the coach speak and the media-trained player answers can get a bit stale and monotonous. So, we’ll spice it up a bit. Follow along all week via TV, Twitter, articles (we’ll have plenty on RockyTopInsider.com), radio or any other form of media and watch for any of these words or actions during SEC Media Days.
Nick Saban (Alabama)
• Every time Saban makes fun of the media for always missing on SEC Championship predictions, take a sip.
• When he defends Lane Kiffin in any way, take a drink.
• If he wears this hat, points to the ring and says, “This is the only thing that’s acceptable this year,” finish your drink.
Gus Malzahn (Auburn)
• Every time he’s asked anything about the Iron Bowl, take a sip.
• If he’s asked to compare Jeremy Johnson to either Nick Marshall or Cam Newton, take a drink (take two if he’s asked to compare him to both in the same question).
• When he has to call or text Will Muschamp every time he’s asked anything about defense, go ahead and finish off whatever you’re drinking .
Hugh Freeze (Ole Miss)
• For every question he’s asked about the Laremy Tunsil situation, take a sip.
• Take a drink every time he says “full cooperation,” “we take these matters very seriously” or “internal investigation.”
• If he blocks a Vol fan on Twitter while speaking to the media simultaneously, finish the drink.
Dan Mullen (Mississippi State)
• Every time he’s asked about Dak Prescott, take a sip.
• Go ahead and take one drink for every other player on MSU’s roster that you can name other than Prescott.
• If a reporter asks him why he didn’t get out of Starkville while his stock was so high last year and he says “I’m waiting until Dak leaves to do that,” finish your drink.
Les Miles (LSU)
• Take a sip every minute that elapses while he’s telling stories about his family’s summer vacation.
• If another LSU player gets arrested while he’s on stage, take a drink.
• If he completes a grammatically-sound full sentence with standard, English-teacher approved words, finish the drink.
Bret Bielema (Arkansas)
• Every time he references pace of play or any safety issues related to that, take a sip.
• If he makes a snide remark about being glad Jim Chaney is gone so he can have all the snacks, take a drink.
• If Barry Alvarez somehow appears and takes over the last minute of his speech, finish the drink.
Kevin Sumlin (Texas A&M)
• Every time he’s asked about Kyler Murray, Kyle Allen or the QB competition, take a sip.
• If he pauses when asked how many sacks Myles Garrett will get because he realizes they don’t play Rice, Lamar and Louisiana-Monroe again, take a drink.
• If he’s asked about his job future and he flashes the Money Manziel sign and then says, “check the buyout, I ain’t worried,” finish your drink.
Mark Richt (Georgia)
• Every time he’s asked to compare Todd Gurley and Nick Chubb, take a sip
• If he’s asked about the QB competition, announces another QB transfer or is overheard asking the other coaches if they have an extra QB he can have, take a drink.
• If he accidentally announces an innocent player is suspended out of force of habit, finish the drink.
Butch Jones (Tennessee)
• When he uses the word/phrase “critical,” “pride of who we are,” “brick by brick,” “foundation” or “individual” take a (very small) sip
• If he says UT is the youngest team in the SEC, take a drink. Double it up if he says youngest in the nation.
• If Hugh Freeze orders a meal at a five-star restaurant and Jones runs in and takes it right before he can eat it, finish the drink.
Gary Pinkel (Missouri)
• Every time he’s asked who his new dominant defensive linemen will be, take a sip.
• If he’s asked if this is the year that his lack of star power in recruiting catches up to him, take a drink.
• If the media picks Missouri low in the East, and he works in the phrase “hate on haters, see you in Atlanta,” finish the drink.
Jim McElwain (Florida)
• If he asks for media volunteers to play on the offensive line, take a sip.
• If he references coaching the QBs at Colorado State as “the good old days,” take a drink.
• If security mistakes him for a dad lost at the hotel, asks to see his press pass and then kicks him out, finish the drink.
Steve Spurrier (South Carolina)
• Take an extremely small sip every time he says “welp.”
• If he doesn’t know his quarterback’s name or thinks he still has Connor Shaw, Stephen Garcia or Danny Wuerffel on the roster, take a drink.
• If he does any of his interviews shirtless, finish the drink.
Mark Stoops (Kentucky)
• Every time a reporter, or another coach/player, pronounces Patrick Towles’ last name “towels,” take a sip.
• Take a drink for every Kentucky reporter at the event who has a John Calipari picture as the background on his/her laptop.
• If a reporter addresses him as Bob, finish the drink.
Derek Mason (Vanderbilt)
• If he nervously jokes that he’s glad the SEC isn’t thinking about adding Temple, take a sip.
• If he references trying to get down to using just two or three QBs in 2015, take a drink.
• If he takes a page from Dooley and says, “The SEC isn’t going to have Vanderbilt to kick around anymore,” finish the drink.