Let’s say your favorite college football team was loaded with potential, and had commanding leads in each of it’s first five games. Yet, thanks to historically bad (hysterically bad?) collapses (chokes?), they sit at a mere 2-3, 0-2 in conference play. The way I see it, you’ve got two choices.
You can bask in the toxicity of it all. Or you can make dick jokes. I choose (b), friends. And I’m not alone. Which is why a group of us reverted back to our adolescence and came up with as many funny Nick Chubb headlines / sayings as we could come up with.
There were only two rules. (1) It had to be something that could conceivably be a real live headline. And / or (2) It had to be something you might here Verne Lundquist saying about Nick Chubb. (No. 2 really opened things up a bit.)
Our thread got so long (yes, our thread re: Chubb was long, indeed) that at some point, I decided to collect a few and post them here. Because, again, I’m short on toxicity and (you guessed it) LONG on Chubb. There were so many that I may have lost a few in the shuffle, and for that I’m sorry. But here are some of the ones that made me el oh el, along with my running commentary.
Before we start, it’s only fair to warn you that this thread is not right. At all. And it’s gross. So if you’re easily offended, just do yourself a favor and bug out now. Final warning:
@johncaveosborne pic.twitter.com/bIZ2TwcjHn
— Martha 🇺🇸🏴🇮🇪 (@gwoman9810) October 8, 2015
Okay. Now, as you can see, my good friend @BigOrangeButch got things going, harkening back to happier days when our expectations were low and Chubb jokes were high. He starts and @whiskey_girl33 jumps in immediately.
@BigOrangeButch @johncaveosborne Chubb is gonna be stuffed on Saturday
— Sunshine (@whiskey_girl33) October 5, 2015
Let’s hope Chubb gets stuffed on Saturday. Let’s hope Chubb takes a real licking. See how Georgia likes waking up on Sunday morning to a sore Chubb.
@BigOrangeButch @johncaveosborne @whiskey_girl33 @MousesEar pic.twitter.com/40YXhwiIMC
— Courtney (@cmpwrites) October 7, 2015
Indeed we did, Courtney. And we’re not alone. Even Erik Ainge is talking about Chubb.
@whiskey_girl33 @LoneNutVolFan @BigOrangeBillTN @johncaveosborne @TNFryed @BigOrangeButch – @ErikAinge3 talks Chubb pic.twitter.com/Gz1UbipwB7
— Chris in Disgusta (@ibchris) October 6, 2015
Does anyone have any questions about how this game is played?
@whiskey_girl33 @BigOrangeButch @johncaveosborne After you hit him, do you jump up and say "I just popped a Chubb!"
— Steve Stout (@Skroutyboy) October 5, 2015
Yes, Steve, I believe you do.
@whiskey_girl33 @johncaveosborne @ErikAinge3 @TNFryed @BigOrangeButch ….if Bobo were still OC he'd be giving Chubb all kinds of touches
— BigOrangeBill (@BigOrangeBillTN) October 6, 2015
There’s no questions, Bill. If I were OC? I’d stick Chubb in the slot and see what happens. Might also see if Chubb has success with the end around. Sounds like Chubb’s kinda thing, no? I bet that would move the sticks in a hurry.
@1inStripes @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed @whiskey_girl33 Chubb Exits Backfield Quickly
— Travis Cabage (@Travis_Cabage) October 6, 2015
@1inStripes with a good call, and, yes, Travis. Chubb definitely gets in and out in a hurry.
@whiskey_girl33 @1inStripes @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed Chubb on Lips of Vol Fans.
— Travis Cabage (@Travis_Cabage) October 6, 2015
Another strong point by Travis. Chubb’s been on the tip of the tongue all week, it seems.
@whiskey_girl33 @Travis_Cabage @1inStripes @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed if your Chubb lasts more than 4 hours call a Doctor.
— UTKnocksville (@UTKnocksville) October 6, 2015
This one doesn’t count because it’s not a headline and I can’t see Verne saying it. HOWEVER, I included it because it’s an important PSA. So thank you for that @UTKnocksville. For that seems to be the rule. Four hours. But that’s too long for me. I mean, maybe I’m a big boner conservative, but I’d be calling the doctor after an hour and a half. Two hours tops.
Moving right along.
@whiskey_girl33 @Travis_Cabage @1inStripes @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed you've always got Chubb on you're mind
— DC (@dccoletrain) October 6, 2015
Now, DC, that’s not nice. (Though it is worth noting that when it comes to Chubb, Sunshine definitely went to the well more than once.)
@whiskey_girl33 @dccoletrain @Travis_Cabage @1inStripes @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed Chubb likes to play 2-hand touch
— Sam (@Sam4Vols) October 6, 2015
Accurate, but I hear Chubb usually does just fine with only one hand as well.
https://twitter.com/aharding1993/status/651385661052719104
OOOH. Seems like we’ve got a Bulldog who wants to play the Chubb game. Makes sense. All Bulldog fans love Chubb.
@aharding1993 @whiskey_girl33 @dccoletrain @1inStripes @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed Jumper Makes Chubb Go Limp.
— Travis Cabage (@Travis_Cabage) October 6, 2015
Dude, that’s sublime. We could only hope that really happens. It’d be in our best interest if Chubb, um, peters out.
https://twitter.com/LoneNutVolFan/status/651388792088170496
Unless Chubb’s in there for a little play action, Lone Nut.
@LoneNutVolFan @ErikAinge3 @whiskey_girl33 @BigOrangeBillTN @johncaveosborne @TNFryed @BigOrangeButch I hate when Chubb pops outside
— Chris in Disgusta (@ibchris) October 6, 2015
Good grief, me too. The last thing I wanna see on Saturday is Chubb streaking down the sidelines.
@whiskey_girl33 @ErikAinge3 @BigOrangeBillTN @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch Chubb is up and coming
— TNFryed 🍟 (@TNFryed) October 6, 2015
Now that Chubb no longer has to defer to Gurley, he’s really become a playa, playa.
@ErikAinge3 @whiskey_girl33 @BigOrangeBillTN @johncaveosborne @TNFryed in tight situations, Richt will leave Chubb in for 2,3 minutes.
— BigOrangeHeupel (@BigOrangeHeupel) October 6, 2015
He will BigOrangeButch. Longer even. Simply put, Richt’s not comfortable playing with Chubb out. You can see it in his eyes.
@BigOrangeBillTN @BigOrangeButch @StephCrass @ErikAinge3 @whiskey_girl33 @johncaveosborne Chubb keeps balls high & tight when hitting holes.
— TNFryed 🍟 (@TNFryed) October 6, 2015
With all the pressure Chubb faces in the A gap? Probably wise.
@johncaveosborne @TNFryed @BigOrangeButch @StephCrass @ErikAinge3 @whiskey_girl33 …not surprised to see Chubb during Dolly Parton tribute
— BigOrangeBill (@BigOrangeBillTN) October 7, 2015
Dolly and Chubb. It’s like milk and cookies, y’all.
https://twitter.com/JS_Neill/status/651741777918083072
I think so, Sam. From what I can gather, Chubb’s always up for action. Plus, Chubb didn’t like getting waxed by Saban.
@johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @whiskey_girl33 @TNFryed @BigOrangeBillTN @StephCrass @ErikAinge3 Chubb forces his way in between the crack
— VoltimateWarrior (@VoltimatWarrior) October 7, 2015
All kidding aside, I swear I heard Verne (or Gary Danielson) say that exact line before. Or something damn close. Those guys love Chubb.
@johncaveosborne @whiskey_girl33 @TNFryed @BigOrangeBillTN @StephCrass Chubb comes up a few inches short
— BigOrangeHeupel (@BigOrangeHeupel) October 8, 2015
There’s a Pig Howard joke in there somewhere that I’m not quite clever enough to make. And as you can see from my tweet above BigOrangeButch’s, I used to love making Chubb / Gurley jokes. Speaking of, I hear Michel LOVES Chubb.
@johncaveosborne @BigOrangeBillTN @whiskey_girl33 @TNFryed @StephCrass in terms of jerseys, I'd rather have a Hurd on than a Chubb. #repeat
— BigOrangeHeupel (@BigOrangeHeupel) October 8, 2015
Depending on which side of the state line you’re from, six in one, half dozen the other.
See? Isn’t this better than all this negativity. I sure think so. Which is why I took to Twitter with this:
@johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @whiskey_girl33 @TNFryed @StephCrass …dick jokes? thought we were talking about Chubb….
— BigOrangeBill (@BigOrangeBillTN) October 8, 2015
Dude, you’re right. My bad.
https://twitter.com/ronwrightwanabe/status/652135604671504384
That’s weird. I heard she loved Gurley?
https://twitter.com/jlhill16/status/652135794677690368
Like a moth to a flame, my friend. Speaking of Chubb getting to the hole:
@johncaveosborne Chubb pops out of a gaping hole
— Jacob (@CaddilLackey) October 8, 2015
Ew.
@johncaveosborne @ronwrightwanabe @whiskey_girl33 @BigOrangeBillTN @BigOrangeButch Chubb hard to swallow for opposing teams
— TNFryed 🍟 (@TNFryed) October 8, 2015
Yeah, it goes without saying that Chubb’s quite a, um, load.
@BigOrangeBillTN @whiskey_girl33 @johncaveosborne @BigOrangeButch @TNFryed @StephCrass if it's wet, Chubb will be hard to hold on to
— 🌪️𝚃𝙽 𝚃𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛🌪️ (@TNTwisterXX) October 8, 2015
Yes. Chubb tends to be slippery when wet.
@johncaveosborne Richt loves Chubb in the open field.
— John Sloan (@JohnFSloan) October 8, 2015
He really does. And the key there is field as opposed to turf. Because I hear Chubb does even better on grass.
https://twitter.com/ronwrightwanabe/status/652310889232789504
So true. Again, Chubb prefers to play on grass.
That noise you hear? A bunch of folks clicking to unfollow me, I’m afraid. That’s alright though, because at least I’ve got the game to look forward to. I’ll be in the house, but I’ll DVR it just in case Verne and Gary uncover anything we missed.
Thanks for playing…
